***THIS REVIEW CONTAINS SPOILERS***
It has been a long time since I last saw a Jean Claude Van Damme movie. I have to admit; I was quite a fan back in the day. I loved action movies as a kid (still do). They were like my action figures come to life, walking, talking, and kicking ass! I loved Van Damme’s early stuff like KICKBOXER, BLOOD SPORT, and this little gem, CYBORG. I also liked UNIVERSAL SOLDIER and TIME COP, but by the time of the abysmal STREET FIGHTER movie, I was growing weary of Van Damme’s shtick. Luckily, Van Damme has had a resurrection as of late with his film JCVD—and it’s like old times again.
While UNIVERSAL SOLDIER, BLOOD SPORT, and KICKBOXER may be a lot of people’s favorite Van Damme movie; CYBORG was always my personal favorite. I had not seen CYBORG since I was probably 12 or 13, so I was fully prepared for it to not be as glorious as I remember, and I’ll be honest--it wasn’t, but it’s still a cool flick. There’s hardly any dialogue, and that’s a positive thing, because the less Van Damme talks, the better. Where the film is scarce on dialogue, it makes up for with some striking imagery, and kick ass fight scenes. It would very easy to just shit on the film, and point out all its many flaws; like its lack of almost any character development, plot holes, continuity problems, bad acting, and bad script, but I think I’ll change things up a bit. One thing that I noticed about the plot of the film is that it resembled the plot of almost any action/adventure video game. You know the formula; a hero, on a quest to save something, has to fight his way through many different levels, all guarded by some ’boss’, until the final ’big boss’ at the end, and then the ’whatever’ is saved--usually a princess of some kind. Are you with me so far? Here we go…
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Storyline Introduction:
In the future, the world is ravished by a plague that kills of a major chunk of the population. What’s left is a wasteland, where there is no law. A cyborg named Pearl holds the cure for the Plague in her head, and she must be transported to Atlanta (man’s last bastion of hope ends up being in Atlanta? Well okay then) where scientists can start working on the cure. Pearl ends up being kidnapped by some pirates (yeah pirates, just go with it). Before she is taken she meets a “Slinger” (kind of a gun for hire, except more of a blade for hire seeing as though guns are a rare commodity in the future), played by Van Damme, and she proceeds to tell him about the cure. Van Damme follows after the pirates, but not in attempt to save Pearl, but to get his hands on the pirate leader, Fender Tremolo (Aaaw, that’s just cute! And to top it off, Van Damme’s character is named Gibson Rickenbacker. They’re both named after guitars. Why? Fuck if I know—but it’s cool!). In his chase, Gibson the Slinger meets a little friend by the name of Nady. She tags along with Gibson because she wants to save Pearl (you can use her as a decoy in later levels). She mostly just gets in the way (and naked--which is why you keep her around). Before Level 1 can start, we must witness the first of many of Gibson’s flashbacks (and no you can’t hit the start button to skip past it). Seems he once helped a young widow, and her two kids; fell in love with her, retired from Slinging, and settled down in the country, but something happens that causes Gibson to be the sad little Belgian dude he is today. What happened, you ask? You’ll have to wait until Level 4.
Level 1: The Abandoned Building
Gibson finally tangles with the pirates for the first time. Use your kick button (X) a lot and your projectile gun (L1+ X). Nady will distract some of the baddies, but you’re on your own against a knife-wielding guy with a bad wig. If you can get past him, next up is the level boss. He’s got a staff, but watch out for the blades that come out on the ends. You do not kill this boss, but you must escape through a labyrinth-like sewer system, but watch out--Fender and his goons are right behind you!
Level 2: The Sewer
Nady is knocked out so you must carry her. Hide her in a safe spot. This is a puzzle level—more about escaping than fighting. You must find a safe exit before the pirates get their hands on you. Once you find the exit, you will meet the level boss, he’s big, bad, and hairy, but here’s how you can kill him easy; when he’s coming at you, do this gay split (left+ right+up, repeat)) between two narrow walls, and when he walks under you, come down with your blade (O). Grab Nady, and head towards The Wetlands.
Level: 3 The Wetlands
This is the most challenging level yet. You will have to take out the boss that you weren’t able to kill from the first level. Nady will awaken, but will be knocked out again later (as this is what she does best). Remember to use your kick combo (left, left+up, X) that releases your boot blade. Pirates will swarm you, and you will be captured—this is unavoidable. Fender and the gang will crucify you to a ship mast and leave you for dead.
Level 4: Flashback
Along the way, Gibson has had many short flashbacks that shed some light on his past. While Gibson is crucified we see all the flashbacks again, but pieced together. Seems Fender and his gang once stumbled across Gibson’s countryside home, killed his lady, and her son, and took her daughter as a slave. Gibson had come to love the kids as his own—so this really put him in a funk. Your only challenge for this level is to crawl out of a well, where Fender left you for dead, and try to “act your little Belgian heart out” once you’ve made your way out of the well. The last part is quite challenging. You cannot use the kick button here. :(
Level 5: Atlanta (final level)
Once you struggle your way off the ship mast, you are once again teamed up with Nady (yay!), and you will make your way to Atlanta. Here Fender plans on using Pearl’s info for his own malicious gain. Nady, as usual, will be of no help. You must stop Fender, save Pearl, and he world. Use you’re the kick button (X) to make your way through a few baddies. Soon it will be time to go face to face with Fender himself. Use more kicks (X, repeat). You will take quite an ass stomping, but use a ’power up’ (press ‘start’ and select from menu screen) inside an abandoned car, and continue the attack. You will make your way into a barn; here you can take Fender down with a blade (O), but watch out he’s not dead! Finish him off with a meat hook to the spine (X+O+up). You did it! You got Pearl to the scientists, rescued the widow’s daughter that Fender kidnapped all those years ago, and saved the fucking world! Do a happy Belgian dance!
GAME OVER.
Unfortunately, CYBORG is not a video game; it’s a movie. If you like 80’s action movies, I don’t see why you wouldn’t dig it. It’s a very fun movie that kept my attention all the way through, and yes; I chuckled a little at some of the cheesier moments (all part of the fun, right?). All flaws aside, the movie does look great for its budget. The sets and the costumes were excellent. The ambient noise in the quieter scenes sound like distant howling winds, and was a nice touch. Van Damme is no Jet Li or anything, but that fucker has crazy legs, and has some nice moves that are all is own, like the splits thing that he does in every movie (the best use of said move is featured in this film, IMO).
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I’d be amiss if I didn’t mention Vincent Klyn’s performance as Fender. This is a great villain. Klyn can’t act, and I’m sure that’s why he didn’t go on to better things. The look, and his voice are the shit! He also has the best dialogue, examples: "I like the death! I like the misery! I LIKE THIS WORLD!" and "FUCKER!" Okay, maybe the second doesn’t sound that great, but it’s all in the delivery. I had a friend, named James in Junior High that use to do a great impression of Fender. In the middle of class he would turn to me, and in a whispered growl, he’d say “FUCKER” and I’d burst into laughter, and then get chewed out by the teacher. Classic villain, Fender that is, not James—although he had his moments too.
The director, Albert Pyun (mostly known for cheesy b-action flicks), does a fair job here. Where he really excels is the great imagery in the film. Gibson’s crucifixion, the use of a lot of water in the film to express Gibson’s heavy emotion (because Van Damme sure as hell couldn’t have shown through his acting abilities), the flashback scenes are haunting, and the final battle in the rain are all top notch, and visually striking. The visuals and the kick ass action saves the film from being a complete dud, and is what most of my final score is based on.
In need of a fun post-apocalyptic action flick (I always am)? CYBORG’s your movie.
CYBORG trailer