aka La bête
The French never cease to amaze me and disturb me. It seems at times that the word "taboo" has no meaning in the French language. Nothing is too shocking or disturbing to put on screen. I'm an immense fan of the new wave of French horror lately, and it has driven me to look into some French films from the past...for better or for worse—if I’d only known how bad the “worse” could get! I bring you, THE BEAST!
I'd been looking forward to checking out THE BEAST for quite some time. I'd read about it in cult movie books and was unaware it had an official DVD release until just recently. Unfortunately the film is a huge waste of time. The first hour of the film in uneventful (unless watching two horses go at it with explicit porno-style closes-ups does something for ya), and it's a huge snoozefest. The last thirty minutes of the film (obviously what all the hub-bub is about) is filled with mind-blowing (and other kinds of blowing--but I'll get to that) debauchery that walks a fine line of disgusting and hilarious. The film was directed by Polish director, Walerian Borowczyk, whom I assume was trying to create an erotic version of Beauty and The Beast--I can't say I'm familiar with the original tale beyond the Disney version, but I don't think Borowczyk's take on it follows the original story very closely--if it has anything to do with it at all.
I don't want to spend too much time on the plot because there's hardly any plot to speak of. A young woman, and her Aunt, travels to a French countryside villa to meet her arranged future husband. The man's family is shrouded in mystery due to his deceased mother's past, which involved a strange beast (referred to as “a ghost”) that wanders the nearby forests. Meanwhile the man's father rushes to get his son baptized, and awaits an arrival of a Cardinal from the Vatican to see over the wedding. Other folks in the household include a priest that kisses his alter boys a little to affectionately, and a daughter that's screwing the black butler, but he keeps being called away for chores, so she ends up grinding on the bedpost (if this was supposed to be erotic or funny I have no idea). This covers the first hour of the film (yawn), and if it weren’t for the curious behaviors of the characters I would have turned it off then and there.
Things pick up (way too late) when the woman starts having visions about the beast in the woods, and it's past rendezvous with her future husband's mother. The beast, which looks like a cross between a Tasmanian Devil, a wolf, a bear, and an ape--chases the woman through the forest, tearing off bits of her clothes at a time, until she's finally naked, and he goes to work on her nether regions like a bowl of Alpo. She eventually can’t resist the beast’s charms, and does the nasty with the beast willingly…that’s right, willingly. The scenes are very explicit, showing the beast's huge rubbery dick, which looks a lot like an emergency break for a sports car. Just when you think the film is not going to go "there", it does, and then some. We see the woman give the beast head, jack it off with her feet, they do it beasty style, and yes, there’s even a pearl necklace at the end. Speaking of the beast’s jizz, throughout almost the whole “love scene” the beast is shooting his goo everywhere! I know this all sounds vile--and it is, but damn if I couldn't peel my eyes away. Not erotic in the least, but I give the film credit for going "there" without shame.
I can't and would not recommend this film for its final 30 minutes of sleazy weirdness alone. The film in a whole is just dull and dumb. The quality of the film is nothing special, the actors seemed uninterested, and the dubbing was horri-fucking-bul (they sounded like cartoon characters which made it all more disturbing). There is a subtitled version, but the subs' were out of whack with the dialogue, so I had to watch the lame dubbed version. There's hardly any score besides some annoying harpsichord music, and the story itself is weak (to say the least), with zero character development--I didn't care about any of the characters at all. The beast's costume was craptacular, especially the close-ups of its mouth--the costume could not have looked more unrealistic. I’m sure there was some Frenchy subtext in this film, but fuck if I could figure out any of it—nor did I care. You know, I’m actually starting to hate this movie more, and more, as I write this review.
So, unless you want to see a huge fake penis shoot loads of jizz (just go see a Gwar concert!), or you want to see a real two foot long horse dick penetrate a quivering, drippy horse's vagina (an image plastered in my mind now, thanx to this fucking film!), or you're a deranged pervert that gets off on pseudo-bestiality--feel free to check out THE BEAST--you sick freaks!
THE BEAST trailer