aka I guerrieri dell'anno 2072
THE NEW GLADIATORS was released during the post-apocalypse themed movie boom of the early 80's. For some reason, Italian directors latched on to this genre hard, and most of the time with dull results. For the most part, they were all low budget films, and making a sci-fi movie with a small budget is just a setup for disaster. For the most part Italian post-apocalypse movies went from very bad to okay, THE NEW GLADIATORS is somewhere in between. While it's not an extremely bad movie, it is certainly not good. I would love to say (being a huge Fulci fan and post-apocalyptic themed movies) that this movie was great, and worth my time, but it was not and allow me to explain.
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The story is about a guy in the future, who gets framed and is forced to take part in a modern day gladiator TV show. The guy in question is named, Drake, played by TV actor, Jared Martin or as I like to call him, James Caan lite. Drake is a clean-cut, all American dude and already a famous athlete (he's the MVP of a show/sport called Kill Bike). A global network CEO wants Drake for a new to-the-death gladiator show, so he frames him for killing his own wife, and once he's a prisoner, he forces Drake to participate on the show. Soon Drake and a group of other prisoners (including Al Cliver and Fred "The Hammer" Williamson) are put through training and then there's a huge boring gap until we finally get to the TV broadcast. When Drake and the crew find out that they'll be exterminated after the show, it's a race to stop the network boss, and some computer system named, Junior, before they get…vaporized! GASP!
Granted, THE NEW GLADIATORS predates THE RUNNING MAN movie, but not the 1982 Stephen King (as Richard Bachman) book, so I'm sure it played somewhat of an influence. The problem with Fulci's version is---it's skimps the action, and is dull, dull, DULL! It opens strong, very Fulci-like, with the murder of Drake's wife by some Clockwork Orange-esque dudes. Drake is caught, and then the film starts to go down hill really quick. Instead of the Gladiator show being the bulk of the movie—it's about 20 minutes long, and at the end of the fucking movie! I believe Fulci was trying to build suspense, but it didn't work. I didn't care about any of the characters. Sure, you want to see Drake get revenge, but damn--get to it all ready. The movie is not unwatchable, but it's not as fun as it could have or should have been. There are cheaply made sets, and lame special effects that gave me a chuckle, and that's a good stuff about the film. I don't mind bad acting, cheap looking sets, crappy special effects, and cheesy music, as long as it pays off with entertainment value--THE NEW GLADIATORS just didn't do it for me.
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Speaking of cheesy music, the score for THE NEW GLADIATORS was composed by Riz Ortolani (one of my favorites) and it way below his usual level of greatness. I like cheesy, synthy music, and this one just seemed thrown together, and dare I say it, dumb. I would probably excuse it if it was somebody else besides Ortolani, but the fact that I know he could do 10 times better, makes it inexcusable. We're talking about the guy who wrote the beautiful theme for CANNIBAL HOLOCAUST just a few years prior, not to mention the scores for a ton of classic Giallos and Spaghetti Westerns of the 60's and 70's. If this was just some studio hack, I'd say fuck it, but Ortolani could have made it better. I've read some reviews that praise the score, and I just want to know what they're smoking, and if I can have some. What I will give the score is that it's fine for this kind of movie.
On the other hand, the cast do a fairly good job with what they were given (sometimes an actor can only be as good as the script they're given). Jared Martin as Drake looked the part, but just comes off as an overly dramatic TV actor. Fred Williamson, is underused---he should have played the part of Drake. Martin comes across as kind of a pussy, Williamson could have gave the character some balls. Speaking of Williamson, man he was in a shitload of Italian post-apocalypse movies. Let's see, he was in THE NEW BARBARIANS, 1990: THE BRONX WARRIORS, (The abysmal) WARRIOR OF THE LOST WORLD and THE NEW GLADIATORS—usually playing second fiddle to some uncharasmatic honky--wassup wit dat? Then there's ol' Al Cliver, I must admit, I really love to hate him. He's a suck a bad actor, and the only good thing about seeing him in a movie--is knowing his character will probably die a horrible death. Donald O' Brien plays Monk, the deformed grease monkey who looks he's wearing a leftover mask of Dr. Fruedenstein, with new eye holes.
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THE NEW GLADIATORS was re-released by Troma and the bonus features and Uncle Lloyd's intro to the movie was the best part of the watching the DVD. I love Lloyd Kaufman and Troma. When I see that little TROMA TEAM intro to their movies, (you know, the building silhouettes accompanied by that Troma theme song?) I have almost a Pavlovian response to it—play that theme and I am instantly happy. Even the Troma theme couldn't help me enjoy this film.
I'm sure some people will love or do love this movie, and maybe I'm being a little hard on it….naaaaah, it's pretty bad, and for one reason—it was just dull. Here was a chance for Fulci to go balls out with the gore and there's hardly any! The film drags and drags until we finally get to the 'gladiator' part and it's just guys jousting on motorcycles, then it comes to a popcorn fart of an ending—and it's a sappy happy ending at that! Sorry, it was just lame. Keep in mind this is coming from somebody who loves Fulci's CONQUEST, a sci-fi/fantasy movie, and a lot of people hate that movie. So all I can say about THE NEW GLADIATORS is, proceed with caution.
Scene from THE NEW GLADIATORS